Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
