youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
