yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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