So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??