she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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