i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.