I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
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Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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