Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.