OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.