you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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