Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
