Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
