She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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