I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
