How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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