I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
