Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
