apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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