I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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