i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
