you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
