By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
