He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
