Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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