Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
