Already got asked if we're dating
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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