So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize