Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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