woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
