Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
