I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
