I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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