So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
