I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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