just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
