a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
sex in a hospital.. check
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
