Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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