Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
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I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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