this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
