just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
