You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
