And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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