Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
