One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
