we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
