Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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