I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
