I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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