the condom got lost in my hair
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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