i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
