grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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