He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
