ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I want her autograph on my taint
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
