Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
