Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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