New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
