Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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