Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
