U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I touched a dick in church today
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
