it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Actions speak louder than pants.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i believe in u and ur pee
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
