ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize