So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
