I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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