I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
