i can't believe i had my finger in that
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
