just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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