Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Did we literally take a cab across the street
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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