how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
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Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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