yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
