Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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