Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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