you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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